I can’t believe two Hercules movies were released in 2014 in the span of seven months. I can’t believe that I paid money to watch both of them.

Two things before we begin: again, Hercules movies are never remembered for the plot, and while he may be Hollywood’s current franchise Viagra, Dwayne Johnson hasn’t made many quality standalone films. Therefore, who would’ve guessed in a million years that another freakin’ Hercules story— this one directed by Brett Ratner and adapted from the 2008 graphic novel Hercules: The Thracian Wars by Steve Moore (who died only four months prior to the film‘s release)— would give us life? Among the obligatory close-ups of The Rock’s rock-hard bod is a picture that succeeds in finally lending some big-screen dignity to the character. Hey, it only took 57 years.